Coz,all i want is only to be with you,ABY PUTRA

Monday, April 30, 2007

If only this world wouldn't have feelings because all I ever want in this world is to be happy but it's sooooo not gonna happen for me. People think that i have no heart to feel hurt therefore they can do whatever they wanna do even after i've told them that they've hurt me..like so bad. What are you made of? BATU?METAL?PLASTIC? Do you even have feelings towards me? They think that i am a freaking robot that can control every single thing in my life and bring me down whenever they want to. Yes, maybe I've been stupid all this while but let me remind you of Karma.I feel that I'm worthless to you, I feel that I just need someone that could come into my life, to hear my thoughts, to lend a listening ear and be nice as possible to me whenever i'm near. You can take all my freaking money,freaking material stuffs, I don't need them, they are not important, all I need is care&concern love&passion. Unfortunately, no one, i repeat,no one can come close to that.I need fresh air, i need to gain myself back, and if people who have been loving me and caring for me WOULD realise that I've not been being myself lately. that's IF you people cared for me. i think i need to lock myself up in the bathroom and just let my feelings flow with the waters and then flush in down the toilet bowl.how i wish it was that easy. =(((

I think the silent screams helped me alot. Nowadays, deep down inside, I miss my MUHD AZHAR BIN ZURAIMY,seriously, like alot alot. I miss him so bad but it seems like he don't notice it that much. I miss him being there for me when I'm sick, being there for me when I'm on my way home, being there for me when I've got nothing to do at home. I miss everything about how we used to spent time together, but nonetheless, I'm glad he's still here for me. I don't blame you for everything, if you think i am, i'm sorry. =(((

I love you babylove. 12:25 AM

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Don't love me because of pride.
Don't love me because of money.
Don't love me because of lust.
Don't love me by force.
Don't love me just to get the things you want.
Don't love me if you don't appreciate a single thing I did.
Don't love me if you have someone else's life in your heart.
Don't love me just because you want to be somebody.
Don't love me if you accused me for all the wrong reasons.
Don't love me just to make use of me.
Don't love me if you hate the way I'm created by God

Love me because you really love me from the bottom of your heart. This goes out to everyone. I'm sick and tired of being a support stick when nobody ever appreciate the things I do for them. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it just makes me wonder, how could you convince me that you really love me or even just like me? Take your own responsibilities, don't make me have to answer all your issues when you don't give any sympathy to me. Don't just befriend with me so that everyone will like you or just so that everyone will notice you. I'm sick of all the rumours and all the bad impressions of you because deep down, I know you're not that type of person. Don't be somebody that you're not so that you can show to me that you're better. No. All I want is the person from deep down inside you. The real, the truthful person that I got to know from the start. Relationships,friendships. I hate it when all the ships sink just because of somebody or something or just plain nothing. It really hurts to hear other people telling you the secrets that you never thought that the person you really really love might do. I've tried my best to accept the mistakes you did and had longed forgiven you. Tell me who in the world would ever do such things. But I did it all because I really cherish all of you. But do you?

Labels: don't love n love me.

I love you babylove. 1:50 AM

i just can't stand it animore.
i wanna let dis feelings out.
You were my everything. You were the one I look forward everyday in my life. When you're sweet, you're the sweetest thing ever. When you make me happy, I feel like I'm the happiest girl alive. But then, opposite times, you can really break my heart in two. Your words are so cruel you make me feel that I should go up to the highest storey and jump down. You told me that I am the one who make you hate me, reality check, after all the things I've ever done in this world with you, after so many heartaches, so many hurtful things you did to me, after what you put me through these years, I suffered silently not wanting you to know that I'm disappointed in you and just continued to love you, and is really because I love you. You put everything, your friends, yourself, your ex and everything you need before me?You put me and make me feel like I'm somekind of useless person when I am the one always beside you no matter what happens. Obviously you don't appreciate it. Look, I'm sick of people coming up to me and saying that I'm the bestest girlfriend ever,when I get nothing and sometimes even the worst things and heartbreaks in the end. Everything I did for you, is not just to force you and make you feel happy, but because I did all that, because I really love you.
ey aan.
Maybe I should try letting abit of you go, since you think I love to control you. It's not control, it's because you didn't give me enough trust. You broke many promises and you're not earning back my trust. I feel as though you don't even care, don't care about me, about our anniversary, my important days, nothing. You weren't there. Three words. YOU DON'T CARE. It was my mistake that you're like this now, you assumed you can use me to get everything but not giving enough love to me in return. It's unfair, so unfair. When you get everything you need, you throw me far away not wondering how much I had to go through. Like I said before, I don't need much, I don't need you to buy me so many gifts, I don't need you to spend on me, I don't need you to big things for me, I just need love from you and BE NICE. And with just that, you can't give it to me fully. I don't understand. I read through all the old posts about you and me and how loving you were. It's just fading,every single day. My glass just broke into million pieces right infront of my eyes, and I just realise that my heart is feeling the same way. When I bleed, I realise how many sacrifices I did for him. When someone comes up to me and confessed that they love me, I backed off and I never did return my love because I only love this person who actually called me a stupid. Haiis.

Labels: i'm just letting it all out.

I love you babylove. 1:12 AM

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

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i wan the aan i used tuh noe.
god,pls change his mind.
god,make hym realise.
i beg u.

I love you babylove. 12:16 AM

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

god,dun take hym away from me.
he's too meaningful tuh me.
grandpa,my power tuh move on.
he's the one i love.i love hym more den anione else.
he pampered me.
he took care of me wen ibu n ayah went werk.
he cook for me.
he make me a cake during my burfdae.
he's the one who bring me tuh the clinic wen i'm sick.
he's the one who make me feel proud of being me.
he's condition now is getting worst.
all he did was just lie at bed.
crying.
atok,pls be strong.
sumtymes,wen i cried,he knock on my door.n look at me.
wipe my tears.
he is sick now.
weak.
i'm here praying for u dearest atok.
doctor say,'' YOU GUYS BETTER PREPARE FOR THE WORST.''
after hearing dat,my eyes is full of tears.
my heart felt lyke stopping.
its so hard tuh express how i feel dat point of tyme.
its lyke.WTH,I'M GONNA LOOSE HYM.
i swear i cried badly.
till now.
i'm thinking back the past.
wen he is strong.
i love hym.
i swear.

Labels: atok, i love u.dun leave.

I love you babylove. 4:32 AM

Saturday, April 14, 2007

hellos ppl.=)
hahas.i can't sleep.
due tuh happiness.aan called n say he damn missing me.=)
sweet kn.he even say how he wish i was there hugging n stare his eyes lyke i usually do.
he's happi for me.
psl kn,aku dar start my course.
business admin course.
n yea.just now i just started.
n surprised,i enjoyed ok!
i will learn,spreadsheet, database, word processing & presentation graphics.
hahas.ferst tyme siak aku enjoy blaja.
=))
thanks tuh mummy for the support.
thanks again for the money u fork out for me.
aku syg kau ok ibu.
muahs2.
n yea.back wid aan story.i swear i miss hym lyke hell.
i'm happi tuh be wid hym back.once again.
i've promise myself. not tuh hurt or betray hym.
n he did promise me too.
i love hym too much now.
more den ever.coz,he's changing.
changed the way i love.=)
i love the way he is now.
aan is the type if all wanted in lyfe.
he sacrifice loads for me.
he show me true love means.
i'm so sorry.
i can't wait for the second lesson.
i effing love dis course.
=))
n yea.i will feel speacial wen i get diploma wen i'm just 16.
yeayness!
& i realli hope i can pass all the exams n get that bloody cert i've all wanted.
DIPLOMA CERT.
Let me explain briefly why i take dis course-

The target audience for the scheme is to testy the candidate's practical ability acrossthe key areas.

-wishing to acquire the fundamental pratical IT skills for modern.
-starting a career in industry and need the IT skills to support that career.
-returning to worl or busniess and need to update their IT skills base.
-requiring ab expanded skill set for job enhancement or promotion.

n ya.i have to cancel the plan tuh irah kenet chalet.
becoz of dis course.
i'm sorri bebeh.
& yea.aniwaes,happi burfdae.
may all ur wishes come true.
n yea.hope u last wid whoever u r wid okeh darl.
=))

ps:i miss aan truck loads.=)

I love you babylove. 3:57 AM

Sunday, April 8, 2007

i had so much fun yesterdae.went out tuh sentosa.n den i met aan.=)
i'm lazy tuh type now.my hand hurts now.
so,i'll just put pics yea?